I have problems with anxiety and sometimes the only way to shut down my brain from spinning out of control is to get what I call a singular point of thought. I used to get it out of racing, then after crashing pretty badly and watching another person die while racing a motorcycle, my ex-wife put an end to my racing. After my divorce I tried sidecar racing for a bit. My friend that owned the sidecar rig had to sell it because of family reasons, so that was the end of that.
After that I used kink to get my singular point of thought. being chained down and tortured would give me the singular point of thought. my brain could only concentrate on the one thing. This seems to have caused problems in my relationships.
I bought a Ducati motorcycle. Riding that could get me into my singular point of thought or focus. Well, I had to sell that to pay bills. Being a single parent is expensive.
I tried Kink again. I met a wonderful woman who’s kinks aligned with mine. But my anxieties, combined with PTSD from my girlfriend right after I was divorced, caused me to have self doubt, jealousies and because of my depression that I have been going through, I felt helpless, and then I would lash out, get angry.
So now, no kink, no motorcycle… I am not sure what I am going to do to fix my brain.