Tag Archives: life


I am going through a period of self exploration to figure out who I am and what I want to do.
I have just gotten tired of people stealing my work, people disparaging me, the rumours, the innuendos. Although I find it hilarious when people namedrop my name to me.

The whole photography thing is becoming bothersome. People tell me they love my work, yet not very many purchase my work. They just steal my work and a lot try to pass it off as their own. When I started taking pictures way back when models would actually show up when they said they would. Now, I am lucky to get a 30% show rate. Unlike most so called photographers, I provide all of the clothes, props, locations, equipment, and I am outfitted with camera gear that is quite a bit better and a lot more expensive than a fucking I-phone. It costs real money for me to do a photo shoot.

While digital photography has made photography more accessible to the masses, the term “Photographer” has almost become a dirty word. So many people call themselves photographers today. It seems every guy with a cell phone is a photographer. I have become ashamed to be called a photographer. The other half of the people seem to think they are models that should get paid, even though they have not done anything noteworthy.

I do not pay models. If anyone is getting paid, it is me. for a model to get a paid shoot with me there has to be someone interested in buying the content, whether it be for commercial use, someone’s web content, or custom shoots/videos with usually very specific content. Hardly anyone will buy pictures of pretty girls in latex or bondage or naked. There is so much of that type of content out there for free. And I really do not need it for “My Portfolio”.

People hacking into my website, I am not sure why they want to. there is not much here. I removed most of the “Good Stuff” a while ago. I wish the little fuckers would just leave it alone.

Retiring Andraste

So with that, I am thinking very seriously about retiring “Andraste”

It is a name given to me by a model friend that I subsequently used for my alternative photography pursuits. After the drama and trouble that I got into September of 2012, and all of the fallout from that, it just does not seem worth it anymore.

People steal my images, cut off the watermarks and credits, post them as their own and get more popularity over them than I do.

It has cost me my job, caused family turmoil, I have been sued, reported to the police and the FBI, threatened with my life, and for what? Just so people can steal my work, and take credit for it.

Those of you that really know me, know where to find me.

I may or may not leave my website up. I am still deciding what to do with that.


They look so peaceful when they are curled up together sleeping.

Speed Reality

every 25 mph is a new reality experience for me.

under 25, walking or running.

over 25 a bicycle.

over 50 a motorcycle.

75 is faster than 50

75 you have to start paying attention.

100 begins the exhilaration. This used to be a daily ocurance for me, to get my blood flowing in the morning on my way to work.

125 is serious paying attention. My RX-8 the fastest I have observed on the speedometer is 148.

150 is things are moving fast, and it is a drug. My Formula 2 racebike does ~160

175 is getting close to an orgasm.

175 is the fastest I have been on the ground. It was as a passenger on a formula 1 sidecar rig.

I need to experience 200 now.

Update on Life

I was fired from my day job because of my photography. At first they said it would not be a problem, but that was a lie I now find out. Because I was a good corporate employee, and I told them what I did, they proceeded to find anything they could to fire me.

So now I have lots of time to take pictures.

I am not sure where I am going from here. I do know I need to make money until I find a new job, so if you have any projects you could use me for, it would be greatly appreciated.


Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

— Desiderata, Max Ehrmann, 1926  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Ehrmann


Desiderata is Latin and has been interpreted as “Things to be Desired” or “Things Desired As Essential.”  http://www.fleurdelis.com/desidera.htm

History: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desiderata


To be without desire is to be content. But contentment is not happiness. And in contentment there is no progress. Happiness is to desire something, to work for it, and to obtain at least a part of it. In the pursuit of beloved labor the busy days pass cheerfully employed, and the still nights in peaceful sleep.

For labor born of desire is not drudgerey, but manly play. Success brings hope, hope inspires fresh desire, and desire gives zest to life and joy to labor. This is true whether your days be spent in the palaces of the powerful or in some little green byway of the world.

Therefore, while yet you have the strength, cherish a desire to do some useful work in your little corner of the world, and have the steadfastness to labor. For this is the way to the happy life; with health and endearing ties, it is the way to the glorious life.

Max Ehrmann
1872 – 1945

I Go My Way

All round is haste, confusion, noise.
For power and wealth men stretch the day
From dawn till dusk.
But quietly I go my way.

For glitter, show, to taunt the crowd,
Desire-tossed in wild dismay,
Men sell their souls.
But quietly I go my way.

The green of all the fields is mine;
The stars, the night, the wind at play,
A peaceful heart, while quietly
I go my way.

Max Ehrmann